Convinced my husband has a side chick

Dear Pastor,

I am a Christian, but I made a mistake. I did not marry a Christian man. I was tired of looking around for a husband and all the Christian guys were taken,

So I met a man at a garage and he started to sweet mouth me by telling me how beautiful I looked. He was already taken but he told me that his wife and he were not getting along. I told him that I did not believe him because that is what men say when they meet a new woman. He told me he was speaking the truth and when I investigated the situation, I found out that he and his wife were indeed not getting along. I told him that I did not want to get into that mess, but he kept pursuing me and I found him to be very kind and helpful.

It took me six months to give in to him, and by that time his divorce came through. After one year of dating, I agreed to marry him. I asked my pastor if he would marry us but he turned us down. He said this man's wife is still alive, and as she was not guilty of cheating, it would be wrong for me to marry him. He said I am setting up myself to go to hell. So I got another pastor to do the wedding.

My husband is 15 years older than I am. He has done very well financially. We live in one of his townhouses. The problem I am having with him is that I cannot get him to attend church. He takes an occasional drink, but he loves to have sex. So sometimes when he is not at home, I know that he is with another woman. He has three cell phones and he uses one just to call his side chick. I ask myself every day how I got into this mess.

I don't have children but he has three. Now that I am convinced that he has a side chick, I told him that whenever we are having sex, he should use protection. He said I am his wife so he refused. He is not admitting that he has a side chick. I don't know how to handle this situation because I love him so much. When he is angry at me, he does not speak at all. I want you to tell me what to do. I know if I withdraw myself from him, that would send him on the street and I don't want him to go there as he is already there with his side chick.

Please help me.

K.B

Dear K.B

The mistake that you have made cannot be reversed. When your pastor told you that he would not officiate at your wedding if you were determined to marry this man, he gave you reasons.

These reasons were not sound in my opinion. But that is how he interpreted the doctrine of divorce and remarriage. As I understand the Bible, when a person is divorced, the marriage has ended, and if the marriage has ended, the divorced persons can remarry. But many do not understand the Bible to teach that.

You did not have to get into this mess if you were not in a hurry to get married. There are some women who have got married in their 40s and 50s and are very happy today. There are those who felt that they had to get married, otherwise they would end up on the shelf, so to speak. I am thinking of a woman who I have known from she was in her early 20s. She always wanted to get married but couldn't find a partner. Eventually she informed me that she had found a man who was wealthy. He was previously married, but his wife died. So she married him and he took her into his own beautiful house. She was on top of the world. He gave her everything she needed. You see, she was willing to wait and then the good Lord provided her with a wonderful husband. You were not willing to wait and so you have brought some unhappiness on yourself by marrying this man. Mark you, I am not condemning you.

This man does not speak the truth, so you will have to live with him. He is not willing to attend church; you should not force him to do so. You have good reasons to believe that he has a side chick. Unless you want to end the relationship with him, you may have to continue with him. He loves sex. I can't tell you to withhold that from him. If you do, he will find ways of getting it from other women, not only his side chick. What you may have to do is pray and appeal to him to use the condom. I use the word appeal because you believe that he is still seeing other women outside.

Pastor